Скай към небе, живота и смъртта
By Angel of Death
{017 Crumble: Picture 25}
Run bare-foot and wondrous through my soul
Pray, my children, pray to the sound of my heart
Remember the ones who have fought for our freedom
They lay in peace in the soils of my mind
We have made it through war and imprisonment
And now we must sing from sky to sky
We must savor every life and death
And each new day that the suns of my soul rise.
I have made it through the ages, carrying you on my back
I may be old and dusty
But I will never crumble
We have made it through war and imprisonment
And now we must sing from sky to sky
* This the Alexander Nevsky Cathedral and it was built as a memorial for the Russian soldiers who died during a war that freed Bulgaria from Ottoman Rule. I wrote this poem to symbolize that yes, Sofia is an old city but it is strong. And the City itself is proud that it has made it through some hard times.
Thanks for reading,
~Angel
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gosh i wish i knew russian. im one of those aspiring russophiles who have never gotten around to learning it. actually, i can read russian, like i can pronounce it and all, but i dont know what it means. but im perfectly fine with your having the title something i cant read. it makes me want to read the poem.
specifically speaking about the poem, im glad you did your little explanation at the end, becuase i probably wouldn't get it otherwise. i think it was really nice. i like the bit how you repeated these two lines:
"We have made it through war and imprisonment
And now we must sing from sky to sky"
i like that bit, but i like even better the first line "Run bare-foot and wondrous through my soul". its nice and descriptive and happy. maybe thats just because i love the idea of running bare-foot, but i dont really know.
anyways, nice poem. thanks for the good read.
I have to say the Russian in your title caught my attention.
Even though I love it, I think you might want to consider using a title that your average reader can not only read, but also understand. I know - foreign languages are so much fun but your poem would be just as well title-less as it is now, because no one can read or understand it. (Except for those few Russophiles running through YWS, like myself!)
You lay your book down went you want to lie down to sleep. ^_^First off, I think you should punctuate the poem. It's fine otherwise because it's not written in a style that demands punctuation, but I think it would make it look better if it was punctuated.
I know what you're trying to get at with this line but I don't really like it. Old and Dusty are plain words! At the least, pick more beautiful, more meaningful adjectives. What I really want to say, though, is that this line does nothing for your overall poem. Adjectives in place of beautiful poetry is never good. Your poem has a great message, why not try adding some imagery to show how it is "old and dusty"?
I love these lines, but I think the poem is too short to warrant repetition. Why not try something else, with the same meaning?
I love the idea, but I think that it needs to stand on its own two legs, as well. The explanation helps, but it shouldn't need one.
I hope this helps! If you have any questions feel free to message me.